You know the feeling. It’s your first day back at work and you’re still in holiday mode. Maybe you’re a little too relaxed. Maybe you’ve got a touch (or a wallop) of jet lag. Whatever it is, your head’s just not in the (work) game.
7.15am: Attempt to microwave porridge for brekkie, but set the timer to nine minutes instead of 90 seconds. Did you know that water and oats can burn? Mmm, rubbery.
8am: Lose my work diary and notebook in what feels like a mystery fit for Sherlock Holmes. My incredibly thorough search involves walking to the study to look on my desk; walking to the lounge room to look on the coffee table; walking back to the study to look on my desk again; shrugging my shoulders and leaving for work. World’s greatest detective, folks! But it’s no big deal. I can live without my diary and notebook for a day, right?
8.15am: Discover that my Opal card (Sydney’s smart card travel pass) has disappeared. Naturally, I only notice at the train station, when my train’s a minute away. Also naturally, my London Oyster card is still smack dab in the middle of wallet, mocking me. I pay extra for a single paper ticket and jump on the train. Later, I find the Opal card in my wallet, hiding behind a receipt (probably from an Oyster card top-up).
8.55am: In the lobby at work, I realise I don’t have my pass to get into the office. Dammit! I go to the front desk and beg for a spare.
9.05am: Make it to my desk. Rejoice! Now to log in… Wait, what’s my password? Oh, that’s OK, I wrote it down before I left. Thanks, Past Cassie! You’re a genius. But where did I write it?
In my work diary. The one that’s missing. DOUBLE DAMMIT!
9.05-10am: Spend my first hour back in the office with IT, trying to hack into my (ridiculously secure) computer. Flunk my security questions because I can’t remember my grandmother’s maiden name. Sorry, Nan!
10am: Recognising that I’m not exactly firing on all cylinders, I decide to spend the day catching up on admin. Sounds easy, right? Not too taxing for my poor, foggy brain.
Midday: I say midday, but this really is a repeat offence. Multiple times throughout the day, I walk into a room and immediately forget why. Yeah, I know we all do that sometimes, but some of the things I forget are painfully obvious. For example –
BRAIN: “Why did I come into the bathroom?”
*Bladder almost explodes*
BRAIN: “To pee, Cassie. You came in here to pee.”
That could have been embarrassing 😳
2pm: Another repeat offence – I keep forgetting words. And not fancy ones, either. Halfway through a conversation, I’ll draw a blank. In the middle of a writing a… uh… thingamie… Um… You know what I mean, right? The thing with the words? And the full-stops? Uhh…
Sentence! That’s it!
Did I mention I write for a living? Yeah…
3pm: At this point I’ve spent most of the day working my way through my inbox. Suddenly, I realize I’ve been screwing up my filing and have misfiled half of my emails. Bye-bye important correspondence from colleagues! We shall never meet again.
4.45-5.15pm: The struggle to keep my eyes open is intense and I almost fall asleep at my desk. I make a snuffling noise that might sound a little bit like a snore.
In a completely, 100% not-at-all related coincidence, my manager gives me an early mark. Thanks, Nic!
6pm: I do NOT fall asleep on the train. Woohoo! But when I get home, I sit on the cat’s tail. Fur parent fail. I’m still trying to get back into her good books after going away for three weeks 🙁
6.30pm: My partner and I start to cook dinner, but discover that we’ve forgotten to buy any vegetables. After three weeks of pints and scampi with chips, we’re bordering on scurvy. But we’re too tired to care.
7pm: How the &^%# do I get into Netflix? Right now I have no idea how our TV works. I beg my partner to put on some cartoons, because tonight that’s about all I can handle.
9pm: Congratulate myself for staying up until an “adult” bedtime, even though I did it by watching My Little Pony. But I don’t have enough brain power to even follow that (to be fair, the Canterlot political system is fairly complex). Give up on life and send myself to bed in disgrace.
Three days later and I’m mostly back to normal. Mostly. There are still a few cobwebs to clear out of my head. But all these fails are a small price to pay for the wave of post-holiday chill that I’m currently riding. And, really, what does it matter if the brain fog takes some time to clear away? I can always go on another holiday 😛
